Impatient

I am impatient.  In general.

But right now, I am impatient about making new friends.  I'm tired of the awkwardness that comes with new social circles.  I'm tired of feeling slightly uneasy.  I'm tired of hovering around the edges of the friendships that I see around me, not knowing quite how to join in.

Because I am not a social butterfly.  Somewhere inside me still lives a painfully shy girl who used to blush deeply whenever she was teased or even when she raised her hand to make a comment in class.  A girl who could never come up with a witty comeback until the window of opportunity for one was long since closed.

Somewhere along the way, I learned more confidence, and set aside the shyer side of my nature.  But I didn't eliminate it entirely.  It surfaces now and again. 

Like when I have moved with my entire family to the other side of the country where I don't know a single soul.

I am meeting some amazing people.  People that are kind and generous and fun to be around.  People that I can see myself being good friends with.

But I am impatient.  I don't want to wait for all the little moments that add up to produce a solid friendship.  I want the shared memories, the easy banter, the inside jokes.  I want them now.  I want the history and comfort of friendship without the time it takes to create.

I want the impossible. 

And since I want true friendship rather than the facade of friendship, I am forced to be patient.  When you rush a miracle man, you get rotten miracles (or something like that.)

So I will wait.  And feel impatient as I patiently wait for new friendships to blossom.  In the end, I do believe they'll be worth the wait.