The Difference a Day Makes

Today, the sun is shining in a way that I couldn't see yesterday, or the many yesterdays before that.  I am feeling better.  None of my challenges have gone away.  Well, except for the husband working with no pay.  Though he's still gone all the time, but thankfully he's getting paid for it...kinda important because we rely on that.  

But life simply feels brighter, more full of hope.  Something happens when I write about current events, I'm realizing.  I'm able to use the process to see things more clearly.  To see myself more clearly and throw open the dusty shutters to let the light of inspiration chase away the dark corners of my soul.

So I decided to cheat at this whole blog thing.  I skipped over the tremendous back log of posts that I still need to write and jump into the present.  I'll still get to the older ones, just not today.

Because today, life is good.  I can see the joy.  I spent an hour this morning talking to my YW counselor who just gets it.  She struggles with balancing church obligations with family obligations.  She feels guilty for not doing enough.  She longs for the time to do more, to occasionally have down time to recharge.  But she realizes that she can't do it all, and that she should just keep trying even if it isn't always enough.  It was refreshing.  Sometimes you just need to talk to someone who gets it.  Who doesn't judge or try to fix things.  Someone who you can simply commiserate with.

And when we were done talking, I cranked up my favorite Pandora station for a little extra loud dance party.  It was so loud that it drowned out B almost completely.  Which I'm thinking is actually a key ingredient in the magic formula for today. 

And then we made cookies, but ate a large portion of the cookie dough before it even made it to the oven.  Who needs lunch when you have cookie dough?

I'm tired of being stressed.  I'm done with worrying about all the different ways that I'm not enough.  I'm going to do my best even when my best is terribly inadequate.  And I'm going to have fun while I'm trying and failing in all the different areas of my life.  Things will either work out or they won't.  But moping around now won't fix a single thing.

My life is just that, my life.  There is no blame for the challenges I face.  I can use them to build myself up, or let them tear me down.  I'm done feeling defeated.  For now.  I'm sure the feeling will return every once in a while.

But not today.  Today it's ok that I feel annoyed by my children.  I can still love them through the annoyance.  Today it's ok that I have no idea how to deal with my son's anxiety issues.  I can still see how beautiful his mind is and recognize that for better or worse, he is mine.  Today it's ok that I don't always get along with my husband.  Today it's ok that I am overwhelmed trying to be the YW president.  I can still see the beauty in all of my girls and do what I can to help prepare them for their futures.

What a difference a day makes . . .