Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Grateful. Period.

I inevitably find that any list of the things I am grateful for simply leaves too much out.  Because gratitude is a very fluid thing.  At least for me.

The very things that might drive me nuts one week are sometimes the things I find myself feeling grateful for the next week.  And the particular quirk that I see as endearing in my child one day, causes me endless frustration the next.  And it never seems to fail that I emerge from some trial or other and am suddenly able to see my life in an entirely new perspective, which allows me to feel gratitude for things I may never have noticed before.

Gratitude is a fluid thing.  It ebbs and flows.  It's always changing.  But it is always present.  There is never a moment that I find myself entirely devoid of the feeling.   And that is just the way I like it.  I am not grateful because I am happy.  I am happy because I am grateful.

I choose to focus on the positive.

I can't say that this has been the case for my life in its entirety.  There have been stretches of time where I felt mired in the mud, unable (or unwilling) to find joy.  Times when I focused on all that was wrong, all that was unfair, all that was hard, all that I was being deprived of, all that was causing me grief.

But even during those dark days, I knew that the cause of my unhappiness lay within myself.  I knew that I had turned away from the truths which could help me feel joy.  And eventually, after moping around for a while waiting for someone else to come change things, I would tire of my dissatisfaction and snap out of it.

I would open my eyes to the little moments of joy that had been there all along.  And once they were open to that, all the rest that was hovering around the periphery would come flooding into my heart.  Which helped me feel whole again.

I could make a list of the things that I'm grateful for at this point in my life.  It would be fun to look back on years from now.  But I'm not going to.  Not this year.  There's just too much to list.

Suffice it to say that I am grateful.  Period.

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