Monday, December 17, 2012

Just Mourn

They say that everything happens for a reason.

But I wholeheartedly disagree.  I haven’t believed that trite phrase for quite some time.  It’s one of those clichés that we fall back on when we don’t know what else to say or more likely, when just listening makes us too uncomfortable.

It’s like saying “There are no words . . .” or “This too shall pass . . .”  or “Everything will be ok . . .”  It’s like sharing a personal miscarriage story when someone’s child has been torn from this life, from their family.  Grief gouges a deep hole in the fabric of one’s life.  A scary, dark abyss that people want to fill with something, anything.

Because simply listening is hard, listening takes time.  And an ability to endure silence and grief and rage and any other emotion that may come into play.  It’s uncomfortable.  It requires us to suppress our own agendas, causes, and solutions in favor of empathy.

Everything doesn’t happen for a reason.  There is such a thing as being in the wrong place at the wrong time.  There is such a thing as evil which strikes without rhyme or reason.  There is no reason inherent in the Sandy Hook tragedy.

It happened.  It’s horrible, and it happened.  It gouged an abyss in the lives of 27 families.  And it horrified a nation.

But there is no reason that it happened. 

It makes me feel sick to listen to all the people coming out of the woodwork with a cause, with an ‘it’s time to...’ or ‘let’s fix this...’ or ‘if only...’  Don’t make this tragedy about gun control, or mental health treatment, or even about the way our society views God.

There is no fixing this. 

Patience.  Silence.  Empathy.  Let’s close our lips and open our hearts.  Let’s wait.  When those in mourning are ready to talk, let’s listen.  Let’s mourn with them because we can imagine the tiniest sliver of what they must be feeling as we send our children off to school.

Maybe those in mourning will one day look back on this tragedy and assign some meaning to it.  Maybe they will find comfort through faith.  Maybe they will learn something beautiful from something so terrible.  Maybe this sorrow will one day deepen their joy.

But that is their path to choose.

Ours is to be silent and mourn.  Just mourn.


kara said...


sarah said...

I appreciate this. Thank you.

GuateGirl said...

Thank you for putting into words so beautifully what I have been thinking. There isn't a quick fix or a reason and we are not the people to judge or push agendas.