Thursday, May 31, 2012

Dear Fellow Mom Friend

(You know who you are.)

First, I have to thank you.   Thank you for talking with me, thinking that I have any wisdom to offer you.   Thank you for seeing me that way, because honestly, there are so very many days where I am simply trying to make it to bedtime.   With or without wisdom.   But I do acknowledge that I have learned a few lessons along the way.

Take heart.   You're a good mom.   Your children are being raised well.   Not perfectly, but certainly well enough.   Don't be so hard on yourself.   Don't be so hard on your kids.   You love each other and that is the most important ingredient of all.

Someday, all of the hard stuff little ones bring will be over.   There will be no more battles of will.   No more bedtime routines.   No more time outs.   No more sibling squabbles.   No more wondering if your approach to a misbehavior is the right one.   No more yearning for the millions of things that you want to do that you never have time for.

Someday, all of the beautiful stuff little ones bring will be over.   No more snuggles.   No more butterfly kisses.   No more bug hunts or tickle time.   No more baby soft skin under your fingertips.   No more kid art.   No more wonder at the depth of childhood imagination.   No more adoration of you.

Because they will grow up.   And become independent with lives and thoughts of their own.   And you will be left with time; time enough for solitude and sleep and memories.

Right now it may seem that that day will never come.   That these tough days will never end.   But sometimes the only way out of something is through it.   And I know you already know that.   And I know that mostly you just need to know that someone understands and cares what you're going through.   That they believe in you and your ability to face all this tough stuff and emerge stronger for having endured it.

I believe in you.   I can see your strength, even when all you feel is discouragement.   I am confident that you can climb this mountain God has given you, even if you are full of doubt.   Have faith that your kids will turn out ok.   You are doing your best, trust that it will be enough.

So what that you have "only" two kids.   You compare yourself with other women who seem to manage more children with more grace than you think you display.   This is not a fair comparison.   They have been where you are.   And they know how hard it is.   And they still struggle on a daily basis even if they always seem calm and collected to you.   It's just that they've learned to roll with the punches a little better because they've been in the game longer.

It's the hardness of the seemingly unending tough days that has molded them into the women you see.   If they talk about how easy it used to be when they had "only" two kids, then they have forgotten the reality of their early motherhood years.   Raising children is never easy, whether you have one or twenty.   But have hope, it gets easier.   Not because the tasks of Motherhood get easier, but because you will change.   Amidst your challenges, you will find the strength to be the woman your children need you to be.   Because they need you to be more than you are.   More selfless.   More patient.   More hopeful.   More faithful.   More joyful.   God will provide the necessary training for you to become the kind of more that your children need.   And once the toughness of that training is over, you will look back on that process and rejoice.


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