I Am Peter

Somewhere in the midst of this tumultuous relocation process, I realized that my story had already been written. It was written two thousand years ago in a book called Matthew.

But the ship was now in the midst of the sea, tossed with waves: for the wind was contrary. And

in the fourth watch of the night Jesus went unto them, walking on the sea. And when the disciples saw him walking on the sea, they were troubled, saying, It is a spirit; and they cried out for fear. But straightway Jesus spake unto them, saying, Be of good cheer; it is I; be not afraid. And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water. And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him, and said unto him, O thou of little faith, wherefore didst thou doubt? And when they were come into the ship, the wind ceased. Then they that were in the ship came and worshipped him, saying, Of a truth thou art the Son of God.

It is undeniable that our family’s relocation is being guided by the hand of God. I have felt comforted and spiritually guided throughout this process. Not continually, but often enough to recognize that there is so much more at play here than the whims of men.

And I believe that I am not alone in this process. I believe that I can call upon the powers of Heaven to lead me, guide me, walk beside me. Because I am a child of God. And He loves me. Enough to send the model of perfection in all things for me to follow.

I believe in Jesus Christ. I believe He is the way, the truth, and the light. I believe He can do all things, and with Him, I can do all that is required of me.

But even with this knowledge, I still doubt. Like Peter.

I have faith enough to rejoice at this opportunity to move with my family because we have been longing and praying for it for so long. I was quick to respond to the early spiritual guidance I received. We listed the house at the time and with the agent we felt inspired to. And I was not surprised when we got an above asking price offer after our first day of showings. But when the winds arose and the offer fell through, I began to sink. Doubt and despair came crashing in on me. I felt like I would drown with all that was expected of me. I thrashed around in that ocean for a while, struggling to manage everything, second-guessing past decisions, wondering how things would ever fall into place.

But I tried to remember what I knew to be true. I took one day at a time, trying to be sure to address the most important issues each day. And somewhere along the way, I again felt a perfect, strengthening presence walking beside me. He lifted me up, I turned away from my doubts, and things moved forward. We got another offer on our house, right at asking price. So we proceeded to sell our home to the relocation company, which is how our whole relocation package is set up. We signed the deed over to them, an irrevocable transaction in preparation for them to turn around and sell it to the buyer.

But the buyer dropped out. Which again threatened my footing. The house was still technically sold, but we were ushered into several weeks of grey and cloudy unsurity, where no one really knew how to proceed. Except, of course, for the man upstairs who could see the end from the beginning.

Our sale to the relo company stuck. Which was a major hurdle to have cleared. I am trying to focus on the fact that it is an amazing blessing to have sold the house. I am trying even harder not to sink into the waves of doubt as I am being required to show the house while organizing, packing, and otherwise making a complete mess of it.

Deep breath. Steady feet. Faith at the ready. This ocean will not consume me. I will walk where I need to walk, with the Savior’s hand in mine.

I am far from perfect. But fortunately, perfection is not required of me.

Peter wasn’t perfect. But he found strength through his faith. He overcame his doubts, even his ill-timed denials, and became the chief apostle. He did what was required of him.

So shall I.