Thursday, May 16, 2013

Bedtime Routine

It's 7:47 pm.  This is the conversation I hear coming from the bathroom.

Shaggy: OK, sit down and shoot pee out!  Are you peeing?  Good job.  Baby, don't stand up!!  Clean up in aisles 4 and 7!!  Stop it!  Don't stand IN the pee!  YOU GUYS!!  Get out of here, Ruger!  Don't put the football in the pee!  COME ON!!  Now you're putting your pants in the pee.  Come on, B!  I have to get taxes done or I'm gonna go to jail.
B:  You gonna go to jail?
Shaggy:  Yeah, if I don't get taxes done.
B:  You a bad guy?
Shaggy:  No, not a bad guy.
B:  Yeah.  You bad guy.
Shaggy:  Let's get your diaper out of your butt crack.
B:  My butt crack?
Shaggy:  Yeah, they're twisted.

Then the door to the little girls room (where I was hiding) opens and this is what I see.

Shaggy attempts to wrestle pajama pants on B.  B is trying to pull them off.  Neither one is winning.  Shaggy gives up on the pants and tries to get her shirt off.  But it won't come off because it keeps getting stuck on the swim goggles she's wearing.  Shaggy pulls back and forth, back and forth.  But that shirt won't come off.  B starts to fuss because she probably assumes that her head is going to be pulled off  before the shirt and the goggles.  The situation is so ridiculous that we all start laughing.  B joins in.  And that's when Mommy takes over.

Me:  Which jammies do you want to wear?  Pink hearts or flowers?
B:  Those way too tiny.
Me:  No, they're just your size.
B:  No.
Me:  Just pick one.  Let's put on pink hearts.

I try to wrestle the pink heart pajama pants on her.  She keeps turning around and pulling her diaper open.

B:  In here.
Me:  No, we don't put your jammie pants in your bum.
B:  Yeah, do!  Need horsie tail.
Me:  Baby, play time is over.
B:  No.  Me horsey.
Me:  We have to get jammies on firstThen we can put on a horsey tail.

B keeps turning around, avoiding the pajama pants.

Me:  OK, let's try flowers.
B:  Yeah.  Fowlers.  Those my tail.
Me:  No!  Jammies first!

I finally get the flower pajamas on.  Then I fold the pink heart pajama pants in half and tuck them in the back of her flower pants.  B pulls them out.

B:  That way too big.

She folds them in half and gives them to me.

B:  Here.  Like this.

I put them in again, exactly like I did the first time.  B prances out of the room, neighing.

Me:  Wait!  Come pick a story!!

We chase down our two girls who were supposed to be in bed 20 minutes ago.  It's not easy catching horsies.  Then we read them stories, and say prayer.  This is what I hear during the prayer.

B:  (gasp!)  I lost my brush!  Have to go get it.
Me:  Shhh!  Here it is.
B:  Oh, my brush!

The prayer ends and we try to get B and R into bed.  B is combing R's hair and protests when I try to scoop her into bed.

B:  No, wait!  Have 'oo comb R's hair first!
Me:  No, baby.  We have to get in bed.
Shaggy:  Get a dolly.
B:  Yeah! 
R:  That's MY brush!
Me:  R, hush!
Shaggy:  Where's Anna?
B:  OK, that dolly. 

We put her in bed.  She squirms to stand up and brush her doll's hair.  R races out of the room and reappears shortly, carrying her giant stuffed deer.

Shaggy:  Oh, dear!  Goodnight deer.  Goodnight Anna.  Goodnight R.  Goodnight B.

Then he makes a hasty exit.  R is fixing her blanket.  B is combing her doll's hair.  I turn the lights off.

B:  No!!  Daddy turn lights off.
Me:  He can't.  He went downstairs to feed the dogs.  (And to get away from you crazies.)  Lay down so I can give you kisses.

They don't comply.  Surprise.  "OK.  Night, night."  I start to leave the room.

R:  No, wait!
B:  Kisses!  Kisses!

They finally lay down.  I tuck them in and give them kisses.

B:  Daddy kisses!!
Me:  He's downstairs.
Me:  OK, later.
B:  NO!!!  DADDY!!!
Me:  OK!  IN A MINUTE!!  (deep breath)  Goodnight, girlies.
B:  Goodnight Mommy.
Me:  I love you.
B:  I love you, Mommy.
Me:  I love you, B.
R:  I love you, Mommy.
Me:  I love you, R.
R:  I love you so, so, so, so much!
B:  I love you so, so, so, so much!
Me:  Goodnight, babies.  I love you.  Stop talking!

I close the door and hear a continued chorus of goodnights and I love you's.

Later, long after they are supposed to be asleep, I hear them talking and giggling and exclaiming over something or other.  And I  know that I should sush them.  But I can't.  First, I don't want to engage them for another minute.  Second, I know that moments like these are the glue that will hold them together once they are grown.  Provided we let them live that long.


Lynnie said...

Hilarious! How the heck did you remember it all? I try to write things in my head but then I get to the blog and can't remember anything. Good job recording it. And keeping your cool.

sistyugler said...

The reason I was hiding in their room was because I was taking notes. I knew it was going to be one of those nights. So I slacked on actually helping and wrote things down. For my posterity. Or my sanity. Take your pick.